Daily Archives: March 13, 2009

Dorchester Preview – Late Update!!!!

It has just been announced (several hours ago, but thats my finger right on the pulse for you) we have signed Ebbsfleet striker Kezie Ibe on loan for one month. He goes straight into the squad for tomorrow (I presume). I wonder if the delay was caused by MyFCs small band of loyal ‘owners’ having to vote on it? Fat chance. Their more worried about voting on the price of burgers, far more important…

My prediction remains the same – 4-0 Dons – but Ibes muscular reputation suggests Danny K might be getting a rest sooner than we thought, so its either Kedwell/Ibe to score, two for Main and the other, uhm, why not the recently maligned England C reject Chris Hussey?

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The Dorchester Town Match Preview

Overview

The Dons approach this game six points clear of second place Hampton, hoping to extend that lead with a win against a struggling Dorchester side. This is Wimbledon’s first home game for over two weeks and a bumper crowd is expected to see the Dons hopefully overcome three disappointing away draws and return to winning ways. You see the overview section is a state the bleeding obvious section for Wimbledon fans but maybe useful to any randoms passing who have enough interest in the mighty AFCW to read the article.

Home

Terry Brown had some consolation in missing out on an unnamed Conference Premier on Thursday night by announcing the signing of Rob Saunders on loan from Farnborough. Browns faith in Saunders, who has been out of the Farnborough side for the last few weeks, is built on strong foundations as the Dons boss attempted to sign the skillful midfielder last season only for the player to reject a move. Jay Conroy is a nailed on starter at right back, with long term ligament victim Luke Garrard not available until next season and recent replacement Andy Sambrook the victim of a shocking challenge by the Dons scorer against Thurrock, A. Divot. The Dons will be looking to improve a home record that has seen them drop just 7 points at Kingsmeadow all season.

Away

With only one win in seven (which doesn’t really count as it came against Fisher), and no away win since a 2-1 victory at relegation rivals Havaent and Waterlooville, the Magpies aren’t bringing much form with them to Kingsmeadow. 36 year old veteran Ashley Vickers has joined from Newport, where he will surely turn the Magpies defence into the same sort of solid outfit we saw in our two outings against Newport. With financial difficulties kicking in the Magpies might see the visit of Havant on Tuesday as the bigger game, however as with any team struggling against relegation they will surely put up some kind of fight?

The Fans

As previously mentioned the club are appealing for fans to arrive early as a large crowd is expected. My best guess will be 3400 with approximately 40 Magpies in attendance.

Blue Square

The league sponsors are naturally not offering much value to Dons fans at the moment, with Dorchester priced 8/1 to take all three points back to Dorset. Lowest price in the correct score market is a comfortable 2-0 Womble win, with the firm offering 125/1 on the home side winning 8-0 or 8-1.

The Anonymous Opinion

For some reason my spellcheck gave me the option of ‘mincemeat’ when I typed Kingsmeadow earlier in the article. An omen, I hope. With no striker signed in time for the game its down to Main and Kedwell to battle through. Perhaps with new signing Saunders keeping the midfield honest they might create a few more opportunities for the top two. I’m going to go for a return to form for the Dons with a comfortable 4-0 victory, with Kedwell breaking his barren spell.

Come on you Dons.

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Understanding Trumpton

Deep under the Swiss-French border, somewhere near Geneva, lies a 27km long tunnel based 100 meters underground better known as the Large Hadron Collider. Many fear the experiments due to be carried out this summer may create miniature black holes, which will eventually grow to such a size they will swallow the Earth and much of the Solar System. These people are obviously mentalists, the sort who thirty years ago wandered around outside train stations with sandwich boards strapped around them advising ‘The End Is Nigh’ or ‘Repent and Ye Shall Be Saved’. These days the happy world of Internet conspiracy theories seems to keep them occupied, and more importantly away from the general population. My theory on these black holes is based on sounder scientific principles guesswork.

According to Stephen Hawking (and if I were him I’d use my intelligence to cure my ALS and learn to walk again rather than mess about with quantum physics) black holes can be used to travel in time. As Einstein helpfully pointed out, if time travel were possible we would be inundated with visitors from the future. However Einstein forgot to factor in the Heybridge Principle, where travellers are less likely to visit a place the further away it is from a train station (or black hole, in Essex one and the same…). What these potential time travellers have been waiting for is a convenient black hole to travel to. And where could be more convenient than here, on Earth?

Of course these won’t be your common or garden time travellers either. The only travellers equipped to travel back to the first available date would be those with the most advanced technology, a super race evolved from humans millions of years in the future, unrecognisable to us even as our future selves. Apart from the obvious problem of travelling back in time, the main problem would be actually communicating with each other. They would see us as we see ants. A basic social structure and rudimentary communication systems, but it all seems to be more of a means to an end rather than a communal effort to attain higher learning.

Their arrival will undoubtedly have a major effect on all our lives, as governments across the world are reorganised and streamlined towards the advancement of humanity rather than individual greed. Some of the teachings of these vastly superior beings will go over the heads of even the most intelligent contemporary scientists of our time. One such revelation will concern our Universe and in particular how many spacial dimensions it contains. Apparently we have overestimated slightly. It seems we do not exist in a multidimensional Universe, or even the three dimensions we seem to operate in. The number of dimensions we exist in is one. Laymen and intellectuals are baffled as one. The laws of physics tend to strongly favour and give an unfair advantage to anything that features one dimension.

In South West London several thousand Wimbledon supporters smiled knowingly upon hearing the news and now fully understood those bitter trips to the Beaveree…

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